Don't Bail Out on Your Family Because of the Tough Economy

Hopeful Family Solutions in Tough Economic Times
A Message from Father Steven Boes, Boys Town National Executive Director.
source: www.parenting.org

As our current economic crisis puts a strain on more families, it may be time for a Parenting Stimulus Package to keep our homes a nurturing place for our children.

At Boys Town programs across the country, we know raising children is not easy even in times of prosperity. Families are struggling and those who are near the edge of despair are being put over the edge.

There is hopeful news for families. There are free or low cost, simple ways to make life easier and improve your relationship with your children.

First, reassure your children things will work out even when money problems lead to parental disagreements. I am blessed to have grown up in a rural community. That didn’t mean we had an easy life and that my mom and dad didn’t fight. We sometimes heard heated exchanges, but my parents always were reassuring. They made it a point to explain adults sometimes disagree. They then gave each other a kiss in front of us, telling us they loved each other and us. Let your children know that families who love each other and are willing to work things out can overcome any problem.

My family’s example is exactly what Father Flanagan spoke of: “There are no bad boys -- only bad environment, bad training and bad example. Just like my folks, Boys Town tries to reassure its children by showing good example, providing good environments and good training. You, as parents, can do that too.

Something we find key to helping Boys Town children is training them to make good decisions. In our Common Sense Parenting® classes and book, we have a process called SODAS – Situation, Options, Disadvantages, Advantages and Solution – that works in any family.

For example, money may be tight, and the children want to buy expensive video games. Parenting with SODAS will present children with the Situation of what resources are available for recreation, food and clothes. The next step is to help them go through the Options of how to use those resources. You can teach your children to weigh the Advantages and Disadvantages of the Options. It will help them arrive at a reasonable Solution like renting a DVD, popping popcorn and enjoying an activity as a family. This solution will not only be less expensive, but will promote family togetherness – which is what children really want.

SODAS can be applied to almost any problem. It also will create a bond between you and your children and reduce problem behaviors because your children are part of the solution.

My final message is for families running out of options. Everyone needs help. Parents, no matter how tough it is, never give up on your children. However, if you are so tired and stressed you are about to give up, it is time to ask for help.

Connect with a friend, family member, church or school group to get help. You also can reach out to Boys Town. Our Boys Town National Hotline for parents and children is free. You can call 1.800.448.3000 any time and find a calm voice, problem-solving advice and a connection to resources in your community.

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14 Secrets to Potty-Training Success

The best solutions for the 5 trickiest potty-training issues
By Lisa Milbrand, Parenting
www.parenting.com

When our daughter Katie was nearly 3, my husband and I primed her for potty-training success: We put the potty-related books in regular bedtime rotation, thrilled her with a fashionable array of brand-new big-girl panties, and stocked up on a tantalizing incentive -- M&M's.

Within two months, Katie was peeing in the potty like a pro. But no matter how much we bribed, begged, and flattered her, she refused to give up her Pull-Ups to poop. I tried every tactic I could think of: I upped the ante to a Price Is Right -- worthy prize package, took away the Pull-Ups (resulting in a serious bout of constipation and some nasty post-nap cleanups), and even, I'm ashamed to admit, threatened her with a doctor's visit and shots if she didn't do the deed. After poring over every mom board I could find, I discovered a few new ideas -- but, mainly, lots of other desperate moms.

Since no strategy can possibly fit all our quirky kids, it seems that success depends on finding the solution to your child's particular sticking point. These are the five most common, and the best tricks for getting unstuck:

1. Your kid isn't swayed by chocolate kisses, a cool truck, or any other reward
2. You found dirty undies under the bed
3. Only the potty at home will do
4. She was doing great -- and now she's not
5. He reserves number two for the diaper

Your kid isn't swayed by chocolate kisses, a cool truck, or any other reward

What's going on: The terrible twos (or threes) have kicked in, and your child's chosen to just say no -- even if it costs him an Oreo and a Lego. Your kid's aware now that you and he are separate people -- and that means he doesn't have to do what you say. The power! For an iron-willed kid, that tastes a lot better than any old piece of candy. Resist searching for a better prize: That'll only give him more veto power.

Try a little reverse psychology. After months of attempting other tricks, Nina Vultaggio of Coto de Caza, CA, simply begged her son not to use the potty. But sneakily. "I said that pirates from Disneyland called and wanted him to be a pirate, but he couldn't because they only wanted potty-trained boys," she says. "I told him not to do it because I didn't want him to be a pirate -- and he trained that day." Vultaggio splurged on a trip to the local amusement park (which happened to be Disneyland), where a staffer proclaimed her son a pirate. Your plan can be simpler: You can tell your kid you hope this isn't the week he makes the switch, because then he can sleep over at Grandma's and you'll miss him. Reverse psychology works, of course, because of the thrill of doing the opposite of what you say -- but it also takes the pressure off.

Offer a different kind of incentive. Many parents (myself included) head right into the stickers and M&M's, and they're fine, if they work. But if they don't, think about what'll make your kid proud. Does she adore a particular uncle? Play up how fun it'll be to call him with the good news that she's potty trained. Does he perk up at the mention of being a big kid? Offer a "big-kid bedtime" as a reward, and let him start staying up 15 minutes later than usual.

Reward yourself. This one may sound like a truly desperate move, but it worked at my house when Katie was unimpressed with M&M's. You give yourself (and your husband -- remind him you're a team!) a reward for doing the deed, says Teri Crane, author of Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day. "Get two jars: Fill one with change and decorate the other with a picture of an amazing trip or another special prize," she says. Then when one of you goes, move a coin to the prize jar. Act as excited as possible. This may mean clapping for yourself or (worse?) for your husband. Crane says it often takes just a few days before your kid wants in on the fun.

You found dirty undies under the bed

What's going on: Three-year-olds may get a charge out of being difficult, but at heart they want to please you. They're old enough -- and this potty-training thing tends to be all-consuming enough -- to know perfectly well what it is you want from them. So if your child uses the potty with great success and then has an accident later, she may be too upset to tell you. Hence, the hiding of the smelly panties.

Let your kid know you're on to her. Don't just clean up the mess, thinking that'll save your child from shame. "Then she believes her secret is intact," says Peter Stavinoha, Ph.D., coauthor of Stress-Free Potty Training. Tell her you found her underpants, and add: "It's okay to have an accident! Just let me or Dad know if you do." She'll see she doesn't have to worry about how you'll react.

Take a breather. The tension may just be too much. Yes, it's tough (for you) to take a time-out, but putting your child back in diapers -- even for as long as two months -- will help her relax and make training easier when you go back to it.

Try not to care so much. Ha, right? Well, think of it this way: Potty training is a process. The end goal is great, but getting there takes time. Remember, this isn't about you. It's even harder for your child, so try to get rid of any nagging feelings that you're failing here. No one is. She'll get there.

Only the potty at home will do
What's going on: Kids take comfort in the familiar -- so the weird noises and smells and strangers in the other stalls can very well make your new potty user nervous. Holding it till he gets home is, to him, a small price to pay for security.

Make every potty feel more like home. Get a travel potty seat and have your child customize it with stickers. Practice using it at home first, Crane suggests, and then when you're out, make the bathroom the first stop, if you can. Your child can test out his special seat on the new toilet and make sure it "works" before he needs to go.

Turn bathroom trips into adventures. A kid who's skeptical of a new bathroom might be compelled to test out how the sink works, count the number of stalls, or listen to the flusher. That way, it's not just about the pressure to go on the potty, and he might feel comfortable giving it a try.

Pack some Post-its. Those loud, scary self-flushing toilets are often to blame for potty phobia. A quick fix: Stick a Post-it over the toilet's electric eye until your child's finished and heading out of the stall.

She was doing great -- and now she's not

What's going on: Most likely, there's been a shake-up in her routine. That could be something big, like a new sibling or a new house, but even a weekend away or a friend's birthday party can trip up a stellar toilet-training toddler. "If things suddenly aren't as predictable for a child, she loses her sense of security -- and will revert back to something that's more comfortable," Stavinoha says. Don't consider this a failure on your part, or your child's. Setbacks are normal.

Don't reinvent the wheel. "If she was going perfectly on her potty chair but a setback occurred soon after the switch to the big toilet, go back to using the little potty. If she responded to two-hour potty reminders, begin setting a timer to remind her to visit the bathroom," says Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Potty Training Solution. A new tactic isn't necessary -- and won't give her the familiarity she needs.

Put your kid in charge. When your kid's stressed, it's normal to want to take over and do the worrying for her. But it can help to give her control. Tell her to let you know when she's ready to start again -- it might be sooner than you think.

He reserves number two for the diaper

What's going on: There could be any number of reasons your kid will give up the diaper to pee but will simply refuse to poop in the potty. He may not want to take a break from the action to sit still on the potty, for one, or he may be fearful after toilet water unexpectedly splashed up during his last poop. The diaper might make him feel secure, so giving it up entirely is a bigger step than it seems. Often, constipation's to blame. It hurt last time, so why would he do it again?

Take it slow. Break the transition from Pull-Up to potty into baby steps. "If your child will only go in a diaper, have him do so in the bathroom, then progress to having him sit on the potty in his diaper," Pantley says. "Once he's used to this, suggest taking his diaper off and putting it into the potty-chair bowl as a 'pocket' to catch his poop."

Pump up the fiber. If constipation is the culprit, load your child up with high-fiber foods like beans, most fruits and vegetables, and whole-grain pastas and breads (skip the cheese and bananas, which can make constipation worse). If that doesn't solve the problem, have a talk with your child's doctor.

Try a little bit of everything. When Katie was balking at pooping, we decided to take a breather for a month. Then we put her on a doctor-recommended high-fiber diet, and gave her a sticker every time she sat on the potty. She soon discovered that pooping on the potty wasn't really so bad. It took a mishmash of techniques -- and a giant Costco box of lollipops -- but Katie's now out of diapers, and I've learned a few tricks to use on her sister next year.

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Attention Issues and School: A Mom's View

By: Christina Wood
newsletter@lm.kaboose.com

My son is not hyperactive. He's very calm. He's curious, bright, and a lot of fun to be around. So I was startled (okay, angry) when his kindergarten teacher called me in for a conference and made it clear that she thought there was something wrong with him. "He has trouble staying on task. He never pays attention," she said.

Then I heard the words "pediatrician" and "evaluated for attention issues," looked at the list of behavior problems she was handing me and saw red. The list included things like "humming" and "twitchy." I had liked his teacher up to that point. And I knew Cole was willful, but I didn't accept that he would fall behind in school, or the implication that he had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD.) "He needs more of a challenge," I told her. I refused to have him evaluated by a pediatrician, who I assumed would give him a pill so he could drone through a stifling setting.

I tried to ignore the whole thing. Cole turned on the charm with his teachers and got through kindergarten that way.

The same thing happened in first grade. He learned to read just fine. He quickly got very good at math. He kept up with—in fact was mostly ahead of—the rest of the class. But he didn't finish work and rarely appeared to be paying attention. If he's keeping up, I wanted to know, what's the big deal?

"It's a big deal because his self-image could be seriously damaged by the way the world reacts to him," explains Patricia Quinn, a developmental pediatrician in the Washington, D.C. area and the author of many books on ADHD including Putting on the Brakes: Young People's Guide to Understanding Attention Deficit
Hyperactivity Disorder. "I once evaluated a three-year old with ADHD who was also very bright," she continues. "The first thing he told me was that he was bad. 'Dr. Quinn,' he said. 'When people yell at you all day long, you must be bad.'"

By the middle of first grade, I knew this all too well. Cole's teacher and I had tried everything from reward systems to punishments to get him to finish his work. He would do it long enough to demonstrate that he could but it was not consistent. As a result, he was always in trouble.

One day, I went to school to visit him at "Fun Day" and found him in the classroom refusing to complete a test. I looked at it. It should have been easy for him. I decided right then that this couldn't go on. So I asked him if he wanted to finish the test and go to fun day or come home with me. "I have to get 100 percent to go to fun day," he told me, miserable. "Just finish it," I said. "If you don't get 100 percent, we'll go to the playground." He perked up, answered all the questions as quickly as he could, got 100 percent, and went to fun day. But I'd made up my mind; he was being treated like a bad kid. Whether it was because he was bright and bored or had ADHD wasn't the point. It had to stop. But how?

"School is the least ADHD friendly place in the world," agrees Quinn. "But it is what we have." She explained that there are myriad ways to cope depending on the child, the diagnosis, the parent's situation, and the school system. What's the same in every case where a child is being called out as a problem is that you must deal with it—the sooner the better.

"You have a window between when they are about five to 10 or 11 years old to treat this before it starts to affect their self esteem in some permanent ways," cautions Janet Z. Giler, Ph.D., a California family therapist, educator, and author of an Attention Deficit Disorder website (www.ld-add.com) established to help parents recognize and manage ADHD and learning disabilities in children.

I called the therapist who'd been recommended to me the year before. I was now thinking in terms of finding strategies for dealing with the education system rather than avoiding a diagnosis for ADHD. But I wish I'd gotten to that point a year earlier.

"Teachers have a pretty good frame of reference when it comes to identifying behaviors and symptoms since they see a lot of children from year to year," says Quinn. But these behaviors can have a lot of different explanations other than ADHD. "Child abuse can look like ADHD," offers Giler, "Depression can look like it. A child who hasn't been socialized before getting to school may be withdrawn or distractible. Children who are very bright and bored can look like they have attention problems."

And taking a pill is not the only solution. "Medication is too easy an answer," says Quinn. "This is about self-knowledge. If you know yourself well enough to know that you can't focus on boring tasks, you make sure you don't choose a career that requires you to focus on boring tasks. It is the same with a child." I was starting to see how these same factors had shaped my own life. Maybe I was the right person to help him deal with this.

I don't yet know the right answer but I know the wrong one—ignoring it. Maybe the solution is to give him a motive for completing those boring tasks—a reward system of some kind that is the same at home and at school. More likely a different type of classroom is the answer for him. I'm considering private schools, an inquiry-based charter school, a magnet school for math and science, and home schooling. We may end up trying all of these options and more between now and college.

"It sounds like you are on the right track," Quinn assures me. "At least you aren't in denial anymore."

Eventually this can be a good thing, she counsels. "If [your son] wants to be a CEO, a lot of these traits will be very useful. And then he can hire people to do all the boring things that need to get done."

But between now and then he has to get an education and continue to believe, as I do, that's he's not a bad kid. Quinn helped me to see that I have a lot of experience with this and that Cole probably comes to his "attention problems" through genetics. (There isn't one of us on either side of the family that would choose to be an accountant. We are a creative bunch and we lose our car keys frequently. But that also means we have a lot of knowledge of what worked for us--and what didn't--to draw from.)

Whatever the doctor we visit calls Cole's "problem" no longer matters to me—except that it might be a useful tool—because I no longer see it as a problem. I see it as a challenge and, like Cole, I like things to be challenging rather than boring. So even if he isn't a good fit for the school system, he's a great fit for this family. I just have to make sure he knows that.

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5 Big Ways to Help Kids Love Books

By: Amy Maclin
Email:newsletter@lm.kaboose.com

Getting kids jazzed about reading can be an out there concept, or as simple as anticipated trips to the library.

Mary Brigid Barrett, children's author and illustrator, teacher, and founder of the National Children's Book and Literacy Alliance, shares her favorite ways to cultivate bookworms.

1. Make it an experience for all the senses.

"It's wonderful to have a book come alive in a sensory way. I love to read Robert McCloskey's book Lentil to preschoolers, and I always pass out lemon slices first. The story is about a boy in a small town in Ohio who saves the day with his harmonica. There's a part where the town's band is all set to play in a celebration — until they see the villain, Old Sneep, sucking on a lemon, and they all pucker up and can't play their instruments. At that point I tell the kids, 'Suck on the lemon!' They get a huge kick out of it."

2. Engage in a spirited debate.

"You want kids to start thinking critically, because that's what education is all about, and it's never too early. Take the story of the itsy bitsy spider: When I ask a group of 4-year-olds who the hero of that story is, they'll always chime right in with 'The spider!' And then you follow that with: 'The spider has a problem. What's the problem?' For a 6-year-old you can even introduce the word conflict into the conversation. Ask them, 'What would happen if there weren't any rain, and the spider could climb right out of the drain?' Well, it would be really boring if there was no problem to solve. Protagonist, conflict, resolution — there you have all the elements of literature! Very little is beyond kids’ grasp if you can relate it to their experience level.

Now the first three or four times, a book should be read for pure enjoyment, of course. But when the kids ask for the same books again and again — and you're getting bored out of your mind — these kinds of conversations can keep things lively for you, too."

3. Write a book of your own.

"For a child who's just starting to read, get a spiral notebook or sketch book with blank pages and make him his own personalized word book. You can start with the family: Have photographs of Dad and Mom, or even ask an older sibling to draw them. Print the letters, big and bold. Have a picture of their grandfather that says not only "grandfather" but "Poppo."

Then you can expand it from there with whatever interests your child. If you have a kid who's a fire-truck maniac, fill it with pictures from the fire station. I know one family whose young son was absolutely obsessed with vacuum cleaners — upon meeting you, he'll ask whether you have an upright or a canister!

This is also a terrific introduction to writing, and when your kids get older it can lead them into crafting their own stories."

4. Find out what else the library offers.

"Libraries can have so much that parents might not know about — DVDs, audio books, even games and puzzles that can be checked out. Some have preschool PJ nights. Many have museum passes, which are usually for one or two adults and at least two children.

The library is a great resource for parents, too: Two books I love are Jim Trelease's Read-Aloud Handbook, which recommends great books broken down into age ranges, and Anita Silvey's 100 Best Books for Children, which not only describes the books but gives great anecdotes about their creators. For instance, she tells how Robert McCloskey — who wrote not only Lentil but Make Way for Ducklings— actually had a group of ducklings that he brought into his apartment, where he put them into the bathtub and drew them. That's a great story for kids."

5. Get everybody involved.

"A lot of parents feel guilty because the standard advice is to read to your child for at least 15 minutes a day, and if you have three kids it's not always practical to have three individual reading sessions for three different levels. But there are things that are appropriate for kids at a wide range of ages.

For instance, you might think a 6-year-old won't be interested in a board book. But she may feel a sense of ownership about it and want to engage a younger sibling by helping her 'read aloud,' even if she's just reciting the story from memory.

"Beverly Cleary's Beezus and Ramona series, and Russell Hoban's Frances the Badger books would be very appropriate for kids three to six. I read Charlotte's Web to my three kids when they were eight, six, and three. The day after we finished it, Patrick, the baby, said, 'That was so great. Can we read another novel?' When in doubt, always go for the 'reach' book.

"Also, be patient with the ones who just have high energy levels. One of my children would sit for hours and listen to books, one was a little whirling dervish, and the third was somewhere in the middle. Just say, 'I'm going to read aloud,’ and then keep going. Even the dervish is going to absorb something. And take heart — the heroes of children's books usually tend to be little dervishes themselves. Try to think of a children's-book character who's perfectly complacent and obedient. I dare you!"

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Brain Mechanisms of Visuomotor Transformation Based on Deficits in Tracing and Copying

KENJI OGAWA and CHIYOKO NAGAI ERATO Asada Project, Japan Science and Technology Agency

TOSHIO INUI Kyoto University

ABSTRACT
The neural mechanisms underlying visuomotor transformation are examined based on deficits in tracing and copying, as well as functional neuroimaging studies. The developmental process of copying and tracing, as well as lesion studies with adults showing disability in drawing, are reviewed, then two experiments are introduced. In Experiment 1, a behavioral analysis of copying and tracing by individuals with Williams Syndrome (WS) was presented. In Experiment 2, the brain activity involved in copying and tracing was measured in normal adults using functional magnetic resonance imaging. Based on these findings, we propose a model of visuomotor transformation to explain the neural basis of tracing and copying, as well as to provide a possible neural mechanism underlying the copying deficits and closing-in phenomenon observed in WS.

KEYWORDS
visuomotor transformation • tracing and copying • clinical study • fMRI • posterior parietal cortex

Source: Wiley.com

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Eye Movements During Fixation as Velocity Noise in Minimum Motion Detection

IKUYA MURAKAMI
University of Tokyo

ABSTRACT
The functional roles and perceptual consequences of fixational eye movements are argued. The retinal image motions due to these eye movements are viewed as normally unnoticed velocity noise that limits performance of minimum motion detection without reference. When the motion detection threshold and the variability of eye velocity during fixation were measured for a group of normal adult observers, an interobserver correlation was established between psychophysical and oculomotor data. In particular, when both eyes were open, the threshold of unreferenced motion was positively correlated with the fixation instability of the eye, making larger drifts. Preliminary data also suggested the possibility that the fixation instability of this eye still dominates the detection threshold if this eye was occluded during the task. Possible schemes of living with such velocity noise as originating from fixation instability are discussed.

KEYWORDS
vision • eye movement • motion detection • correlation

Source: Wiley.com

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